Column: Real solutions for a real problem

By Brandon Ramsey

So, we have talked for weeks about the facts, consequences, and the addictive qualities of pornography.  Now let us talk about the prevention and healing or this epidemic.  But we have to get something straight first.  For true change to happen there has to be admittance that there is a problem in the first place.  Without the understanding that there is a problem, then an individual has no reason to try to change.

One of the most elementary prevention techniques for the internet is moving the computer to an area, such as the front living room or family room, where it is in plain sight of the most traffic in the house.  I know, wives you don’t want that unsightly thing taking away from your decor but consider the alternative.  If this request is met with opposition, then one might want to investigate why.  This can also be implemented in the office environment.  The computer should be facing an open door.  Why?  Because statistics say that thirty-five percent of pornographic sites are visited during the hours of nine to five on office computers.

Another prevention measure is to share the passwords with each other.  If the relationship is what it needs to be there is no reason that anything should be off-limits to your spouse.  Regularly check each other’s history and bookmarks on the home computer.  One of the lies used by someone that is using the computer for these reasons is that they cleared the history or cache to help the computer run faster.  There is very little truth to that and there is no truth to the statement that clearing the history speeds things up.

After you exhaust all the elementary measures, the most powerful deterrent and healer is open and honest communication. Openly talking about expectations and needs before there is a potential problem is one of the most successful ways to make sure this issue does not run-a-muck in your life. Once the problem has infiltrated the relationship, it usually takes the expertise of a professional to weed through the mess, because like those with other addictions, people addicted to sex and pornography are guilty of secrecy, denial and lying to cover up their behavior. In fact, addicts are capable of hiding their addictions from family or friends for long periods of time. When caught, they frequently blame their behavior on others or find excuses, such as stress or inadequate sex from their regular partners.

Another powerful tool is a support group.  This group will help someone struggling with this addiction understand the addiction.  There are groups for the individual struggling with addiction and groups for the spouses devastated by it.  Its effects on others and themselves, its misconceptions, and the ways out will be discussed in both these support groups.  It also has two other great redeeming qualities.  An individual has the opportunity to openly voice his/her emotions and struggles around people that truly understand what they are struggling with in an environment free of judgment and full of confidentiality.  It also gives him/her the opportunity to hear other group members’ stories and learn from them.  Because of the numerous responses to this article I have decided to link a seven week study that I did for 50 men in our town.  If you are interested in checking it out, the link is  This study gets very deep into the topic.