By Doug Strickel
Have you ever experienced disappointment? Sure, you have. We all have. We were disappointed when we were toddlers and were told “no” for the first time. We likely experienced some level of disappointment within the last twenty-four hours. Disappointment is a part of every stage of life.
Disappointment can be painful, harmful, and just plain awful. It can also be enlightening, encouraging, and educating.
Let’s look at the causes of disappointment to better understand how to effectively deal with disappointment.
We are disappointed when outcomes don’t happen the way we desire.
- We don’t get the promotion, the raise, or the recognition.
- We don’t win the competition, the championship, or the award.
- We don’t get the house, the diagnosis, or the news we desire.
We are disappointed when other people let us down.
- They don’t do what they agreed to do.
- They fail to do what they should have done.
- They fail to act in a way we think they should.
We are disappointed when we don’t perform at our level of potential.
- We say things we regret.
- We don’t put forth our best effort.
- We don’t prepare like we should.
We are disappointed when things just don’t work out.
- The relationship seemed promising but ended abruptly
- The business venture was once hopeful but failed miserably.
- The change brought new optimism, but the old problems resurfaced painfully.
There are many sources of disappointment. The key is not to avoid disappointment by “sitting on the sidelines of life” to avoid the feeling, but rather to prepare properly and engage in life to the fullest. Disappointment should be a momentary feeling, not a debilitating emotion.
Here’s a foundational approach to consider:
- Clarify identity: Establish who you are based on your values, convictions, and beliefs. Who do you want to become? What do you want to be known for in life? Don’t let others define you. You define you!
- Live out your identity every day. Every day you live out your identity is a PLUS DAY regardless of what else happens.
- You now have a foundational perspective (identity – PLUS DAYS) for life to prepare you to handle disappointment.
- You are now input (process to drive PLUS DAYS) focused not purely outcome based. Outcomes come and go, but the process drives you.
- You now focus on what you can control (process to drive PLUS DAYS) and not dependent on others for the quality of your day. You deal with accountability as needed, but your process drives the quality of your day.
- You now have a standard for living (process to drive PLUS DAYS) that will guide your personal actions and provide you a centerline to refocus when you get off track.
- You now have a basis for trying new things, engaging with new people, and experiencing life with no fear of failure. Your process of driving PLUS DAYS provides you with a foundation to fall back on when things don’t work out as planned.
Disappointments will come in many forms. Let’s build that identity foundation leading to PLUS DAYS so that disappointments are just momentary issues that redirect us, re-engage us, or remind us. Disappointments don’t define us.
2nd Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation…”. That new creation is a new identity. That identity is not defined by the world.
You can deal with disappointment. It all starts with a healthy identity!
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