Dear Ask the Paperboy,
The AP Top 25 College Football Preseason Poll was released this week. What are Paperboy’s thoughts on the Top 10? The poll: Miami (10), LSU, Alabama, Oregon, Notre Dame, Georgia, Clemson, Ohio State, Penn State, Texas (1).
Cain’t Wait in Coushatta
Dear Cain’t,
Preseason polls are worthless as teats on a boar hog. Bear in mind Florida State, coming off a 13-1 season, was ranked No. 10 in last year’s preseason poll. The Seminoles weren’t worth donating the homeless. Finished a paltry 2-10, a dropoff of biblical proportions. That said, Paperboy loves the polls. They give us fans of college feetball/football/foobaw something to talk about besides the weather being so hot that you want to take off stuff you should really keep on. Feel me?
You see that first Top 20 and know it ain’t long ’til the sound of toe hitting leather and the time-honored crunch of a suddenly rich, highly recruited wideout getting scissored by a suddenly rich, highly recruited cornerback and a suddenly rich, highly recruited strong safety. Joy is in the air and will remain there until your team’s quarterback throws a Pick Six, and then curse words will be in the air.
The sounds of autumn in the South. It’s a beautiful thing.
Although it means squat, here, since you asked, are Paperboy’s Preseason Top 5, worst to first.
5. Bill Belichick and his girlfriend. Paperboy would not be surprised if North Carolina wins the national championship. And the Super Bowl. Maybe even the Masters.
4. West Virginny: Paperboy is only half joking here as he thinks the Mountaineers, who play barefoot and therefore have a soft spot in Paperboy’s rural heart, will vault into the proverbial “national discussion” with Rich Rodriguez returning as coach, a place he left for Michigan, where they wear cleats, something RichRod had a hard time adjusting to. No matter: with a stop as an assistant at Louisiana-Monroe in between, this riddle-wrapped-in-an-enigma coach won at both Arizona and Jacksonville State, the Jacksonville State deal a phenomenon Paperboy witnessed up close and personal. Keep your good eye on the Mountaineers.
3. The team with the biggest and best offensive line.
2. The team with the biggest and richest alumni.
1. The team with the biggest payroll.
Meanwhile, enjoy the poll. Back in the 1960s, Sports Illustrated exploded in popularity when it introduced its own preseason poll and put it on the cover of the magazine. EXPLODED. Here’s why: Fans love polls because fans love to argue. To Paperboy, that’s the sound of music.
A few of those teams in this week’s poll will still be in the national championship discussion in November. Half won’t even be in the poll anymore. Hope your team is.
#
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
Who is your surprise college football team in 2025?
Crystal Ball in Bossier City,
Dear Crystal,
Is that your real name? We’ll discuss later. Meanwhile, I’d say look out for Nick Saban, who is coming out of retirement to coach the Aflac Ducks, (currently ranked a strong No. 14 in the preseason poll). They’ve got all their ducks coming back, have all their ducks in a row, and they have Saban. “We’re gonna fly to the football, literally,” said an uncharacteristically optimistic Saban. “Gonna flock to the football … gaggle to the football, whatever. ‘Tackle by Gaggle,’ that’s our team saying.” Look for the Fightin’ Ducks to migrate to the Top 5 by November. If any player gets hurt, trust Paperboy, they’re heavily insured.
#
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
Everyone is “excited” during preseason. The coach is excited, the players are excited. Some are even “very excited” because this one coach, well, he said, and I quote, “We’re very excited.” And this when even just last season, his team wasn’t strong enough to pull a sick billy goat out of bed. Are you excited?
Less-Than-Excited in Epps
Dear Less,
Is that your real na … never mind. NEG! Paperboy is at the stage of his development when he is excited over a good plate lunch, excited over hanging around with family and friends, excited over a good night’s sleep that requires less than four times going to the bathroom. So excited? No. Paperboy is a poor audience. Seldom laughs out loud at comedians or claps at a concert or a ballgame. BUT … football is the finest of all the college sports. For a thousand reasons. So maybe Paperboy is Inside Excited. Or anxious. Anxious in a way that Paperboy wants to see his friends in sports do well. And wants your team to win. And you to have a ball.
#
Dear Paperboy,
Without going into all that The Andy Griffith Show falda rah, do you plan to watch the Netflix Ameirca’s Team docuseries, or will you stick with ME TV and The History Channel?
Shaming the Elderly in East Hodge
Dear Shaming,
You, my youthful whippersnapper friend, are speaking of “America’s Team: The Gambler and His Cowboys,” featuring the Dallas team’s owner Jerry Jones and the 1992-95 Cowboys, the dynasty Cowboys, the fun-to-watch Cowboys. It’s to be released Aug. 19, next Tuesday. And NEG!, won’t watch it — although Paperboy does love him a good documentary. Just not interested. You’ve got to feel sorry for Dallas fans: that dynasty was almost as long ago as Andy Griffith. Watching the team play now must be like us Andy fans watching the color episodes: each is but a shell of its former self.
#
Dear Paperboy,
Speaking of old school, do you miss Sports Illustrated?
Miss the Mississippi and You in Doyline
Dear Miss,
Does Paperboy miss Sports Illustrated, now a Cowboys-like, tattered remnant? Paperboy misses SI like a hog misses slop. Sport magazine. The Sporting News. Inside Sports. Ohhhh doctor… Those were the days. The anticipation at the mailbox. Newsprint all over our greedy little hands. Turning the pages. Earmarks. Online is fine, but print was gold.
Now let’s buckle those chinstraps and have ourselves a good season. Ready BREAK!
Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu
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