by Hanna Singh
Sometimes it takes a bit of struggle to truly appreciate the things that we have.
After one of the hardest and also one of the most rewarding years of my life, I reminisce about the things and the people I am most thankful for. Along with the things that I’m thankful have passed. Overall, I learned a tough lesson this year, that I truly don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so I must make the most of the moments I have now.
I’ve gone most of my life, only worried about the small things that I could expect to come. Not that I would say I took my blessings for granted, but I simply didn’t consider how fragile life could be. My son had gone his whole life with no major health issues, as had I.
So, it didn’t seem like reality the night that we rushed our 10-month-old daughter to the hospital seizing and crying. So many questions spiraled through my mind. What did I do wrong? What could she have eaten? What didn’t she eat that I should have been giving her? What miniscule mistake did we make somewhere along the line to cause our baby to be lying unconscious in a hospital bed, hooked up to a dialysis machine and clinging to life.
Looking back, I realize that even if there had been an answer, it wouldn’t have solved our problem. But never having an explanation gave me a sense of anxiety that still creeps in. Whenever she sleeps a little too long or doesn’t have much of an appetite, I fight the urge to rush her back to the doctor for more tests (an urge that I have fell victim to a couple of times).
I look at her now, 16 months old and running like a track star, and I wonder what ever could have happened last summer. It puts into perspective for me that even if I try my hardest to do everything right for my children, there are some things that I just can’t control. Instead of worrying about what may come, I try now to be grateful for the time I have with them.
Remembering the nights I cried and asked God not to take my girl yet gives me a sense of relief in the day to day. Knowing that no matter how messy, how loud, or how crazy a 5 and 1 year old can be, I’m blessed to have them here with me in these moments.
It’s been a whirlwind of a year to say the least. Not only did our little family experience a medical scare, but we were also met with a string of other unfortunate events upon our arrival home from the hospital. Yet, in the midst of insanity, we also accomplished big things. Our son started kindergarten, and our daughter turned one. I embarked on a new career that has more than returned on the investment I put in, and I picked back up the paintbrush this fall. And of course, my husband finally returned home from a 10-month deployment, safe and sound.
I can already expect that next year will bring more chaos. Another deployment on the horizon and the start of more career ventures. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirling tornado that life becomes when you’re being whisked from doctor appointments to business meetings. But right now, sitting here in my cozy home with the love of my life and our two healthy babies, I feel nothing but gratitude.
