As I reflect on the last two weeks of 1:1 leadership coaching sessions and several group engagements, I am reminded of how many of us struggle with control. In the workplace, we struggle when others don’t perform in the manner we expect. At home, we get frustrated when things don’t go as planned. We seek control, but it eludes our grasp.
Rather than get frustrated with the issue of control, reflect on these considerations:
We really want buy-in rather than compliance – Compliance often results from respect or fear of authority. Compliance works as long as the presence of authority is effective. Buy-in on the other hand results from a transfer of belief. Buy-in happens when people understand “why” beyond the “what”. Managers focus on compliance. Leaders focus on buy-in. Effective parenting begins with loving authority and transitions to loving influence over time.
Rules without reason results in rebellion – Whether we are referring to the workplace, the home environment, or society in general, people need to be able to understand the reason for the rule. When there is no clear reason, people will naturally rebel at some point. The same factor plays out in the workplace or at home. Take the time to explain the “why”!
We will never have total control over circumstances – Circumstances change all the time. We see some coming while others come unexpectedly. We can’t control them no matter how hard we work. We can influence some to a degree, but we don’t control them.
Many of us are consumed with just wanting different circumstances. We lack contentment, experience frustration, and crave control. Rather than continue to seek better circumstances, consider answering this question:
In light of my present circumstances, what do others need from me?
Accept the circumstances for what they are at the present time. We may be working to improve them, but we acknowledge that we don’t control them.
Place the focus on others rather than self. When we focus on others, we not only take the focus off self, but we also turn the tension, anxiety, and stress to targeted acts of service to benefit others. We can release and refocus!
The more we can ask that question, the further we move from seeking control in areas of our lives that we can’t control.
The more we ask that question, the more sensitive we become to others and less focused we are on self.
The more we ask that question, the more we experience growing contentment – content if circumstances never change but always seeking to improve!
The more we ask that question, the more joy we experience!
In light of your present circumstances, what do others need from you?
Doug provides professional speaking and coaching services to organizations and individuals. Whether you are looking for a speaker for your next event or a leadership coach to develop people and build a team culture, feel free to reach out to Doug at doug.strickel@gmail.com and learn more about PLUS.
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