Communication is an art form. Unfortunately, some people don’t appreciate art, either spoken or written. Our best attempts at communication oft go astray. This seems especially true when love and marriage are factored into the communication process. You might find these artistic observations helpful, or not.
Connotation and denotation must be factored into our relational communication theory. Denotation is what a word means according to a neutral source like a dictionary. Connotation is the emotion or the feeling the word creates both for speaker and hearer. So the same word or phrase can have different meaning depending on who is speaking it or hearing it.
As an example, let’s think about the phrase “five minutes.” In the male world five minutes denotes and connotes 360 seconds. In the female world “five minutes” means a variable length of time, with the length determined by how late the couple will be to their destination. Female five minutes can be measured by the application of eye make-up, the selection of the perfect earrings, or the loading of the dishwasher with appropriate dish preparation.
The husband says, “Baby, when will you be ready to leave?”
The wife says, “Five minutes.” The destination doesn’t matter; there will be an argument in the car.
Another important word in the relationship world is the word “nothing.” If a man tells you he is thinking “nothing” he is telling you the truth. His mind is a blank chalk board. He has not started thinking about the ballgame, the hunting trip, the building project, the vacation, your anniversary, or your parents arriving in an hour. His brain is empty. When a man is thinking about nothing it means that life is as good as it gets for a guy. There is nothing on his mind.
The problem is that women hate to see a guy sitting around doing nothing. So immediately when the word “nothing” comes out of our mouth we are in trouble.
If a woman, when queried about her thoughts, says, “Nothing.” Guys are in serious trouble. You need to run to the bar and tell your friends, find a counselor or a preacher and tell them, or plan to move out. When a woman tells you she is thinking “nothing.” She is thinking something that most of the time has us men in serious trouble. Her nothing is complete with plans, conversations, contingencies, and the commitment to do SOMETHING.
Let’s think about the innocuous two words, “go ahead.”
For a guy, “go ahead” is giving verbal permission to proceed. It means “go on.” If your wife says, “Honey, I am going to spend a thousand dollars on this dress.” The male response, “go ahead” is permission to buy the dress. For us, “go ahead” can mean go in front of us, continue the journey, or do that which you have stated you are going to do. It is permissive or acknowledges our agreement with the position.
When a woman says, “Go ahead.” It is better translated, “OK you big idiot please explain to me that stupid thing you did.” The feminine “go ahead” is more an interrogatory remark hiding a great deal of disdain. It can also be the female way of saying “I dare you to do the stupid thing you have said you are going to do.” If you ask your wife, “Honey can I buy that expensive item?” If she said, “Go ahead.” My advice to you is, don’t you dare do it!
Words, even the same words mix us up because men and women use them differently. I am thankful that Jesus came to earth as one of us so we could understand God’s message of love and forgiveness. He speaks so clearly that men and women both understand His message.
The Bible says it this way, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.”
